was just interviewed by a vietnam war vet with an EE degree who retired in his 40s after trading millions of dollars, who then got a doctor’s degree to do cardiology for the under privileged, or as he said, “depressed” communities. damn, the people you meet. oh and his 4 children are doctors.
A huge list of puns
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
sext: fist me like u tryna get the last couple pringles
in darkness, i have found light. i will be absolved by struggling, always. if nothing more, i should be satisfied to struggle.
I hate posts that end with something like "85% of...
lolsofunny: ryannxp: Bitch, show me your degree in Reblog Research.
Are you becoming what you’ve always hated?– Charles Bukowski (via henrycharlesbukowski)
hotbiochemist: red velvet annoys me because its just chocolate cake with red food coloring but people act like jesus nutted on a plate it literally is just chocolate cake
aduhm: closing a 3-ring binder clasp on your finger
How to be classy in three easy steps:
jeboboid: samwasalmostthegirlonfire: attercopman: themetalgentleman: mortson: di0medes: bambi-bird: Open this tab. Open this tab. Open this tab. I just put on my tophat because i just felt so fucking classy this is a great post This post is so dapper. I feel so dapper. I feel so relaxed I have been looking for this. Now to read a good book.
i will name my bed the Siren just so i can say i was lured away by the Siren’s song whenever i pass out during an IM conversation
Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?– Sigmund Freud (via tusscan)
the struggle to reach the surface just sank another 10 feet
2 things on my mind
the phrase “when are you ever going to use it” is something i regret believing. i’m so mad and unhappy about having believed in that phrase. i’ll even call bullshit on it 2 week break from the gym and floor => wrists and body weak and gross
heatoflosangeles: jpkitty: In college, we don’t say “I love you”, we say “I have 5 essays, two finals, and 3 group projects due in the next 8 days” which translates to “I would like to be crushed by a train” and I think that’s pretty cool. HAHA